Happy Tuesday and guest post day by the crowd favorite, Justin Michael Farley. If you were wondering, I’m funnier than him, but I’ll let him have his moment once again. Here goes nothin’ friends —
Guess who’s back, back again, Justin’s back, tell all your damn friends (Ciera that means tell Brittany). What up peeps, Ciera decided to bring back her favorite guest blogger, and boy do I have a story for y’all. As C-train’s mentioned on here before, she’s a “spin instructor” (you’ll understand why this is in quotes later), and has been begging me for ages to come down and give it a shot. Now let me interject here and say that I don’t think of myself as a fitness god or anything of the sort… but I’d definitely say I’m more than a man, you know like Hercules or something. Anyways, C-unit’s been training some of the gals that I CrossFit with (yeah bro), and once they started on the prodding, it was decided, I was attending a class taught by my little sis.
Now I’ve heard some rumors about this place, but thought: “How hard could this possibly be?” Find out below:
9:50 AM: Hanna (C-dogs favorite ginger and my other half) and I rolled into what I would describe as a cross between an EDM show setup and a dungeon with bikes and punching bags sprinkled throughout.
9:57 AM: My bike is assigned to me and lo and behold, it’s front and center in front of C-money. Inner thought: “Ha, she actually thinks she’s gonna make me sweat”.
9:59 AM: Class is about to begin and I look to my left and right ready to start joking with some of my boys in the class about how easy this stuffs about to be… It’s me and 10 little fireballs all licking their chops for this class to begin. Inner thought: “C’mon man, no other dudes? I’m gonna be KILLING IT in here, I might have to slow down to not show these gals up”.
10:00 AM: It’s go-time. The lights turn down low, the big video board at the front of the room starts out slow with a music video on, and the music quietly pumping, its on! Inner thought: “Time to show em all what’s up, gonna go all Lance Armstrong on em.”
10:01 AM: QUARTER TURN!!!!!!!! PUUUUUSHHHHHH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAR ON!!!!!!!Inner thought: “What the S@#T was that????” Who’s yelling at us? Why are these girls not more worried??”
10:03 AM: That’s when I saw her… it looked kinda like C-dizzle up on the lead bike with a microphone attached to her ear, but with more than a hint of rage in those eyes. Inner thought: “IS CIERA OK?? Did she take too much pre-workout?”
10:10 AM: About to start song number 3. Getting a little warm. Legs starting to feel it. Slight concern still on my face for whatever took ever C-pain’s body at 10 AM.
10:16 AM: Spin Sergeant on the lead bike: “TIME FOR HILLS, WE ALL WARMED UP??” Inner thought: “Warmed up?? It’s gotta be close to 11 by now, no way these girls can keep going.” I look around expecting to see some defeated faces… 10 stone faced killers looking up at their fearless leader with nary a drip of sweat. Inner thought: “Obviously they are all on steroids”
10:22 AM: Six songs in. Spin Almighty on the lead bike: “THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT ONTO SPRINTSSSSSSSS!” Inner thought: “Sprints? How about a cool down…. I mean for the girl crew, not me” as sweat starts beading on my forehead. The spin cult around me: smiles mixed with snarls, waiting for the next song.
10:30 AM: Sweat no longer beading on my forehead… now falling straight to the floor, arms soaked, underwear… never mind. Spin Supreme Leader: “NICE LADIESSSS!!!!!” (WTF, I’m here too) “GRAB THOSE DUMBBELLS, ONTO ARMSSSSS” Inner thought: “Arms??? Who signed up for arms, this is spinning!” The spin devotees around me: immediately grab the dumbbells and rep out 1000 straight curls or something, I don’t know, I think I’m delirious at this point.
10:42 AM: Either sweat or tears pooling around me. Shirt comes off, screw it. Inner thought: “Is it frowned upon to get down to my boxer shorts too?” Spin demons around: might be starting a ritual chant to their leader or singing along to the Brittany Spears song, I can’t tell.
10:45 AM: Satan’s Spawn at the head of the class: LAST SONG BEFORE THE COOL DOWNNNN!!!! Inner thought: None. My legs might still be moving or not, I can’t tell. Spin soldiers: Legs moving 90 MPH, confidence=high. Mine=shot.
10:50 AM: As if a flip was switched, the demon that had taken over C-stunna was exorcised and then in her normal voice: “Great job class, thanks for coming!” Me: on the floor possibly drowning in my own sweat and tears. Everyone else: light talking and laughing, with small hints of sweat glistening.
6:30 AM Monday morning: The class is long gone, C-breezy has long since turned off the lights. The janitor comes in and sweeps me off the floor telling me it’s time for the next class to begin.
So if you ever want to get your ass kicked, or maybe encounter a dysfunctional, yet comical brother-sister relationship.. come hang out at Escape and get yo spin on. 🙂